Nocturnal Osaka from 170m up on the ‪Umeda Sky Building, by Freedom II Andres.

• Former Nippon Ham Fighters ace Yu Darvish showed up in Texas to meet local media and baseball fans wearing what many in the US deemed to be a bizarre T-shirt featuring a large silk-screened marijuana leaf. It was actually a Japanese maple leaf, which looks just like a leaf from a pot plant, accompanied by the phrase, “I will survive.”
• In other diamond dust, former Yakult Swallows pitcher and current player agent Terry Bross found himself in a bit of hot—and steamy—water when it was revealed that he used the “services” of porn star Bibi Jones to help him land several clients.
• A story on The Tokyo Reporter website claims that more and more seniors are frequenting Japan’s soaplands these days, with one “fashion health” massage joint being visited regularly by an 85-year-old geezer.

JUST WHAT WE WANTED TO HEAR

• The brainiacs at Tokyo University put the odds of a major earthquake hitting Tokyo in the next four years at 70 percent. An exact date would be appreciated…
• But in a bit of good news, the National Agricultural Research Center, or NARC, said that sunflower oil from seeds harvested in the Fukushima nuclear exclusion zone contained almost no cesium.
• A government panel has recommended that Japan finally get on board with the Hague Convention concerning child-custody battles between Japanese and their foreign (ex-)spouses, but that kids should not be returned to foreign parents if it appears that they have violent tendencies. Fair enough.
• Two of Japan’s favorite pastimes have converged with all-girl pop group AKB48 apparently being the inspiration for the government’s new anti-suicide campaign, which goes by the moniker GKB47. (Don’t ask.)
• Two sisters in their 40s, who were too poor to pay their heating bill, were found dead in their Sapporo apartment. One had frozen to death and the other died of a brain hemorrhage.

YOU SCRATCH MY BACK…

• A joint research team from Hokkaido University and Tokyo’s International Christian University managed to snap a rare pic of albatrosses cleaning the bodies of sunfish near the surface of the ocean. The photo op happened off the coast of Aomori Prefecture.
• Two men, including a former Tokyo assemblyman, were arrested for selling illegal drugs through social networking site Mixi.
• Two brothers were reunited in Kyoto after nearly 60 years, having been separated when their dad died in a fishing accident. One grew up in California and the other in Japan.
• A Kanagawa brewery has come up with chocolate-flavored beer served in an edible chocolate mug for Valentine’s Day. And the best part—8.5 percent alcohol.

GET ON WITH IT

• Prosecutors in Saitama made 11 opening statements in a murder case against Kanae Kijima, 37, a nasty piece of work accused of bilking, and then killing, her boyfriends and lovers.
• Tokyo’s first snowfall of the year on Jan 23-24 resulted in 53 people being hospitalized with snow-related injuries, most caused by slipping and falling.
• Italy’s Consul General in Osaka, Mario Vattani, was caught on tape fronting his band Sotto Fascia Semplice (Under a Simple Fascist Banner) at a rally organized by extreme right-wing group Casa Pound last May in Rome. A heavily tattooed Vattani was also filmed “praising… the black flag symbol that is a notorious fascist symbol, and giving the stiff-arm fascist salute.”
• A former US Navy serviceman was picked up in the US and held after Japanese police issued an arrest warrant for him “on suspicion of leading a group that smuggled drugs into Japan in 2004 through the military mail service.”
• Medical researchers, including a team from Kyoto University, say they have “confirmed that dopamine-generating cells derived from human induced pluripotent stem cells survived for six months in a monkey brain affected by Parkinson’s disease.” We’re guessing that’s a good thing (unless you happen to be that monkey).
• When the No. 5 reactor at the Kashiwazaki-Kariwa nuclear plant in Niigata was shut down for scheduled maintenance checkups, it meant that only one of TEPCO’s 17 existing reactors was in operation.
• Of the 54 commercial reactors in Japan, only three (not including TEPCO) are currently in use.
• An 8-month-old Siamese cat in Saitama named Nyako is turning a few heads because it looks like it has two faces. On its belly appears to be another face “created by a creepy fur coloration pattern and a pair of nipples that do double duty as eyes.”
• On Jan 25, major train lines in Tokyo, including the Yamanote Line, were suspended after a train driver reported seeing smoke on the tracks, delaying some 110,000 commuters.
• But wait, there’s more! With passengers furiously calling and texting to let people know they would be late, NTT Docomo was overloaded and service went down for a while. Talk about your basic shit-show!

NICE TRY

• A debt-ridden 58-year-old Tokyo man was arrested for trying to switch identities with his dead brother in an effort to get out from under a mountain of bad credit.
• Harvard-educated lawyer Naomi Koshi became the youngest woman ever elected mayor in Japan. The 36-year-old Koshi is mayor of Otsu.
• School was out early in Osaka when several explosions in a primary school science lab caused fires to break out. While 250 kids and teachers were forced to evacuate, no injuries were reported.
• A suit was filed in an Osaka court by 37 former and current shareholders of Olympus demanding the camera maker cough up some ¥220 million “for losses incurred as a result of the sharp decline in its share price following the revelation of accounting fraud.”
• A writer and a photographer, both from Britain, completed a 100-day tour of every prefecture in Japan and kept a blog of their journey to help boost post-March 11 tourism here. Their blog has had over 50,000 hits in four months.
• Doctors at Shizuoka Children’s Hospital who operated on a 7-month-old baby boy born with a triple congenital heart disease said the wee tyke was recovering well from the 12-hour procedure, which could be the first success of its kind in the world.
• Two cops pleaded not guilty of murder after they shot and killed a man fleeing in a getaway car from a burglary in Nara in 2003.
• Some 60 percent of respondents to a Mainichi poll said they are against plans to raise the consumption tax to 8 percent in April 2014 and 10 percent in October 2015.
• Meanwhile, 37 percent were in favor of the tax hike.
• Elsewhere, the health ministry aims to reduce the smoking rate in Japan to around 10 percent from the 23.4 percent in 2009. Yeah right… good luck with that.

Compiled from reports by AP, Japan Today, The Japan Times, The Telegraph, The Asahi Shimbun, The Tokyo Reporter, The Mainichi Daily News, Daily Yomiuri, AFP, Reuters and Kyodo.

A moment of serene beauty in Yoyogi, by Alan Black.

Akihabara blizzard, by Justin Choulochas

Photos courtesy of Lauren Mayhew

You must have met Bill Hersey, the owner of New Lex?

Of course, Bill is amazing and I thoroughly enjoy his crazy costumes every night—leopard print, zebra, you name it!

What kind of music do you perform?

I do dance-electro style, mixed with very hooky guitar riffs. If I had to compare it with any artist I would say it’s Lady Gaga fused with Joan Jet.

So tell us about your career in show business.

I am from Tampa, Florida, and I started out in Florida, on a PBS TV show as a kid. I was also a model for Wilhelmina, so I traveled all over. After that I was on a soap opera in New York for two years as a series regular, and then got signed to Epic Sony and toured with Britney. Probably the coolest thing I got to do was perform at the Superbowl, opening for Aerosmith and Sting… It was awesome!

When are you going to start working with real talent?

Yeah, I really need to up my game! [laughs]

So let’s have a word on Steven Tyler.

We had just finished performing, walked off all sweaty and excited—and Steven Tyler came up and said “You guys really rocked!” I was like “Wow, did Steven Tyler just tell me I rocked?” And then he gave me a high-five.

Since then you’ve been in movies like American Pie, and TV shows such as CSI Miami.

I have actually been in all the CSIs, which is random as they have all different producers, directors, etc.

What kind of parts do they give you?

I’ve been kind of typecast as the suspected murderer every time. In my defense, I never did it, before you think I’m going to chop you into little bits. Apparently people see “rebel bitch slut” in me…

So what were you doing for WWE [World Wrestling Entertainment]?

I was ring announcer for all the pay-per-view fights, so I traveled around the world singing the national anthem and introducing the fights. I got to perform at some iconic arenas, like the O2 in London.

Your parents are both doctors—how did they allow you to go into show business?

My parents insisted on education first and foremost, they said as long as you get straight As in school we will pretend like this is soccer practice, and let you pursue your dream. And they did, so they were super supportive.

What are you going to tell your girlfriends about Tokyo when you are back home?

Mostly about New Lex, it was such an amazing experience with so many great celebrities coming in and out, the after parties, and we even had some sumo wrestlers come in which was pretty cool.

Did they dance?

No they just sat there, I think it was hard for them to get up! But they were wiggling their shoulders to the music. [laughs]

What else are you going to tell your girlfriends?

Tokyo is so clean! There’s no trash anywhere at all. There’s also no trashcans, which is frustrating. I feel like I’m always finishing my latte and holding the cup for an hour after, thinking I can’t possibly litter because it’s going to be seen!

Kamasami Kong, among other things, produces the weekly Tokyo MetPod (http://metropolis.co.jp/podcast).

Louise Rouse

The classic gift is chocolate, and Tokyo certainly doesn’t lack for options there. From high-end chocolatiers to your corner conbini, you’ll be seeing pink and red gift boxes stacked to the ceiling. Before you grab the nearest tasty treat though, take a moment to find out where the cocoa came from. Much of the cacao beans used in chocolate manufacturing are produced in countries where labor and environmental regulations are shaky at best. The Ivory Coast, which supplies 30-40 percent of the world’s cocoa annually, has been called out for using child labor and participating in trafficking.

The easiest way to make sure your chocolate doesn’t have a bitter history is to buy certified fair-trade. Some of our favorites available around town are Zotter, an Austrian company that makes fair-trade organic chocolates and realizes in-house the whole production process, bean to bar; and People Tree, which might be more famous for its fair-trade garments, but also has delicious chocolates whose sweetly illustrated wrappers we love.

If your sweetie doesn’t have a sweet tooth, you may be thinking about some roses. Not so fast, Romeo. Likely those blooms came from countries on the other side of the planet, like Kenya or Ecuador. The transportation alone has a substantial environmental impact, but as the industry is very capital intensive, the flowers are increasingly grown by large, foreign-owned producers, providing only jobs at the lowest wage levels, and using unsustainable farming practices. If you must have roses, consider domestic varieties rather than the traditional long-stems, and a potted bush rather than cut ones, which will not only last longer, but will also brighten your beloved’s abode. If you are a little more flexible, there are some flower shops in Tokyo specializing in locally-sourced, organic flowers. We like Wanabiya in Nishi-sugamo, which even makes edible arrangements of flowers and herbs.

If things are getting very serious, you may be thinking about jewelry, but we run into problems here too. Despite the popularity of the movie Blood Diamond a few years back, there is still very little awareness in Japan about conflict gemstones. Precious metals are just as troublesome, since mining practices often have a huge negative environmental impact, labor issues abound, and soaring demand and prices allow them to fuel ongoing conflicts.

If you go to a brick-and-mortar shop in Tokyo, you are likely to get confused looks if you ask about sourcing. Even the stores which are prepared to talk about it can generally provide only a Kimberley Certification, which is problematic due to its very limited definition of what constitutes a conflict stone. Still, even asking the questions can have a positive impact by demonstrating a customer interest, and there are also online shops that specialize in low-impact, conflict-free jewelry, like Brilliant Earth, which ships to Japan and has a huge selection.

So there it is—some more ethical twists on your traditional Valentine’s Day gifts. Now you have no excuse not to get out there and feel the love!

For more information on the companies and shops mentioned, see http://zotter.jp, www.peopletree.co.jp, www.wanabiya.com, and www.brilliantearth.com

Courtesy of Good Beer Faucets

Hey, thanks for the feedback! (This is the writer). Yup, as I said, beer is often served around 13ºC (55ºF), but this seemed unusually warm. It’s been a while since it opened, and it had a nice vibe, so it’s definitely worth a trip. The menu of beers does change, except for the Baird lineup. Hope this helps.—ames

Strange article, 14ºC IPA? I don’t think so, unless you are a smelly old man in some countryside English pub. “Trendy” American craft probably counts for 0.000001% of beer in Japan, so “trendy” might be a bit of a stretch. I suspect the author is new to the craft beer scene in Japan and probably thinks she knows about beer… but doesn’t.—beerisbest

DIY LIVING

Regarding “Half-Price Home“: Thank you for the great advice about purchasing a home. This is a great idea if you have some time, determination and patience. One question: where do you find information about obtaining a UFJ loan? Hopefully I will be able to purchase one really soon!—tonysafyc

MACKY-DON’T

Regarding “Home Away From Home”: I know another organization that is similar to the Ronald McDonald House. It is called Family House, and was founded in Tokyo around two decades ago with very little budget, when families with severely ill children were desperate with financial and mental problems as mentioned in the article, and there was no organization they could depend on at that time.—kricky

I think the Ronald McDonald Houses in Japan are just a publicity project by McDonald’s (i.e. “do good” to “look good”). Most McDonald’s outlets here in Japan are still not smoke-free. It is common to have “non-smoking sections” that allow the smoke to float over from the smoking area. There is a total disregard for the health of the many kids who go there for their meals. If McDonald’s really cares about the health of children, it should start by making all of its outlets totally smoke-free.—angkookueh

WE LOVE YOU RICH

When will Metropolis return to its pre-3/11 weekly publishing schedule? I know content is updated on the website between print issues, but I love the layout of your print issues and two weeks is a long time to wait for your magazine’s excellent coverage in English.—Rich

ACROSS THE TWITTERVERSE

@MetropolisTokyo Visit my city, Yokohama this weekend: Chinatown will be jumping with Chinese new year festivities—@StarrWulfe

Picked up mag for the first time Friday. Loved the “Building the Future” article. Made me add more places to to-see list.—@GMAlbright

Regarding Wendy’s re-opening: Okay, mildly intrigued by the truffle & porcini grill chicken.—@mayanoko
@mayanoko Mildly “intrigued?” You meant “tempted,” right?
@MetropolisTokyo haha, not so much tempted as morbidly curious.^^—@mayanoko

@MetropolisTokyo Loving the MetVids!!!—so far only Metropolis created videos—or looking for Metropolis fan vids as well? —@M85F
@M85F Certainly! Send your vids our way. Contact editor@metropolis.co.jp—Eds

Shane Busato

If you are a reader in no way connected to the expat world, this may seem trivial—a mere bagatelle—but humor, as some journalists have discovered to their detriment, is no laughing matter.

Such was the response from the “not amused” segment of readers that within days I had to wear shades (even though the future was not so bright), a coat with a raised collar, and change my accent from the habitual Swedish lilt to something more indecipherable. After two weeks, friends had been ostracized for their insolence in daring to share a morning cappuccino with me, also—apparently—known as “that woman!”

Three weeks post-partum, an angry mob more fearful than a knife-wielding manicurist ensured that I cast aside my mantle as “writer.” You don’t have much choice when the school run is like the gauntlet—no boot camp or personal trainer required.

It doesn’t take many do-it-yourself spy books, or “bluff your way into the CIA” guides to make a gal rise to her task. My opponents were fierce and determined—I had to be, too. As it happens, one’s self-preservation skills kick in about the time when your neighbor starts greeting you with an axe.

Before long, I was advising less “controversial” writers about their personal safety regimes: the thickness required for a flak jacket (6mm is optimum—any thicker and you will look like a mummified Michelin man); the commensurate ducking and diving, and the strength of the cyanide pill required for quick self-disposal should one be entirely outnumbered.

A friend and prolific writer about the yakuza proved eternally grateful for the wee bullets of wisdom I had to impart on the subject of self-defense. The witchcraft society became a prolific sponsor of my “evade the fire-pit” piece in their biweekly periodical. Needless to say, I was by now courted by the most prestigious secret service agencies worldwide.

None had come across the wrath of the slighted expat wife. None would ever wish to. Scores of look-alikes lay slain in my wake, the lead count in my honor was enough to topple any nuclear power plant. But like any sensible human being, when the going got seriously tough, the not-so-tough went into the expat wife protection scheme.
The alternative would have been to make a formal apology, declaring that “no expat wife has ever been to a beauty salon, ever dropped children at school, ever drank coffee and, God forbid, ever given poor junior any tooth-fairy money. Our time is way too busy with important things like saving the world, mankind and so on.” But one has to hold sacred the freedom of speech and uphold the sanctity of humor.
So, bags were hastily packed, kids whipped out of school and a plane boarded for an undisclosed location in Mallorca, Spain.

So here I am. In exile. Identities changed. A bit bored of my goatee, Y-fronts itching. I miss my old life: even to the point of risking the terror of the angry mob again, many oceans away. After all, you have to stand up for whom you are: Be it now, temporarily, or for the longest time. Know that you do not stop laughing because of old age, rather you become old when you stop laughing—even if it is at yourself.

For my next book, I am going to play it safe and uncontroversial. My subject of choice? Religion.

Read Ulrica’s original expat wives feature, “Call of the Styled,” here.

Mould your own

Instead of boring heart-shaped chocs, get original and make your own using ice-cube trays. Kooky company Fred and Friends produce some crazy trays that will be sure to amaze your Valentine and ensure some tasty afters. Our pick is the one in the shape of Big Chap from Alien—and an accompanying one with the alien eggs, too (pictured). But you can also nab other themed ice trays from Kotobukiya stores, such as Batman and Superman ones, and there are rumors of a February launch for UFOs, Space Invaders, Edvard Munch’s The Scream, and more…

Alien ice tray, ¥1,050, available from Kotobukiya

Secret sweets

For a bargain basement chocolate gift bound to raise a few smiles, check out Chocolate Stadium, where you can snap up chocolates in comedy packaging for as little as ¥198 each. Grab your valentine sugar fix in various forms including soy-sauce and energy-drink bottles, and cup noodles. Chocs in faux medicine packages should not be given to those with poor eyesight, or confusion might result in a Valentine’s Day laxative overdose. The Stadium offers other uncommon chocolate goods, such as chocolate bath salt, chocolate-covered squid, and chocolate curry.

From ¥198, available from www.chocolatestadium.com

Giveaway

From the people who brought you the last Metropolis x adidas promotion, comes… the new Metropolis x adidas promotion! This time, win yourself a pair of brand-new adizero Takumi trainers, designed in collaboration with Japanese master shoe craftsman Hitoshi Mimura. The shoes’ dual-sprint sole system is created to absorb shock and maintain your stability. Win a pair (worth ¥13,650) by emailing the origin of the name “adidas” to giveaways@metropolis.co.jp.

Available from adidas retail outlets. More info here.