© 2011 Mediaproducción, S.L.U., Versátil Cinema, S.L. andGravier Productions, Inc.

Nostalgia, they say, just isn’t what it used to be. But that corny gag about our most wistful of emotions, its allure and its dangers, is what’s at the heart of Woody Allen’s witty and wise 41st film. A successful but dissatisfied Hollywood screenwriter (a spot-on Owen Wilson) on a pre-honeymoon visit to Paris sees the city as a second shot at his youthful dream of becoming a novelist. His fiancée (Rachel McAdams) likes to shop. He longs for the days between the wars, when Paris was a hotbed of not-yet-famous creative geniuses. One night, while sitting alone in a deserted square, a vintage Peugeot sputters up and Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald invite him to a party. Each midnight thereafter, he finds himself rubbing shoulders with the likes of Hemmingway, Picasso, Dalí, Buñuel, Eliot, and Gertrude Stein a special nod to Kathy Bates. Allen wisely doesn’t bother explaining how this happens, or even if the guy’s just imagining it, because it really doesn’t matter. Those with a modicum of cultural literacy will enjoy this film the most. So is nostalgia what it used to be? No. It’s better. And funnier.

Photo by WILSON WEBB – © 2011 Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc. All rights reserved.

It’s always a pleasant surprise when a movie turns out to be better than you expected. And frankly, after the flaccid MIB II back in 2002, I didn’t expect much of this second sequel. But it’s wonderful! Trouble is, everything’s a surprise, and I can’t tell you much. Not even what the hell Josh Brolin’s doing in there. You’ll have to get your spoilers elsewhere. Steven Spielberg exec-produced it, Ethan Coen co-wrote it, and Barry Sonnenfeld directed it. It’s got a good story; some fresh and funny creatures; a cool, Back to the Future kind of vibe; and it’s even quite moving at the end. Must-see

This cheerful hagiography on the 20th century’s most influential hairstylist offers glimpses into his compelling life, from a Dickensian childhood in a Jewish orphanage, through wartime London, a sojourn in Israel, then swinging London, to finally being in the right place at the right time with the right entrepreneurial attitude and, most importantly, the right, Bauhaus-inspired, geometrical haircuts. I learned stuff, but the upbeat, infomercial approach, superficial even for a fashion flick, made me wish for something deeper about this undeniably inspirational man. Sassoon died on May 9 at 84.

© 2012 VILLAGE ROADSHOW FILMS (BVI) LIMITED

The Gothic TV cult fave of the early ‘70s was pretty out there for its day. Now Tim Burton and Johnny Depp turn it up to 11. Barnabas Collins (Depp) was in 1772 the scion of a successful Maine fisheries family in colonial America. He made the grievous mistake of spurning the love of a witch (a marvelous Eva Green), who retaliated by causing his true love to jump to her death, turning him into a vampire and burying him in a coffin. Two hundred years later he escapes to discover a world of lava lamps and The Carpenters, and vows to return glory to his family, now reduced by the witch (still around) to a dysfunctional shadow of its former self. It’s as delightfully twisted as any Burton film and offers up a steady parade of sight gags and other humor that I don’t think was in the TV show, which was essentially a weird soap opera (and unseen by me). It does sag in a few places, but not for long, and as usual Depp makes the material shine. Unique supernatural sex scene. Great cast includes Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter and Chloe Grace Moretz.

More on Dark Shadows

When mobster Jackie DiNorscio, already serving 30 years, was named a co-defendant in a massive ’80s RICO trial, he decided, to the horror of the prosecution and defense alike, to act as his own lawyer, thus providing his poorly suppressed inner standup comic with a captive audience and the opportunity to point out the absurdities of the US justice system. Sidney Lumet (12 Angry Men, Serpico, Network, The Verdict) brings his formidable courtroom experience to the enterprise, but what makes this one stand out is his casting of Vin Diesel in the lead. With hair! And hey! Vinny D does pretty good. Who knew?

A longtime fan is dismayed to find his felt-and-fuzz idols disbanded and the historic Muppet Studios abandoned and threatened by a developer. He vows to get the band back together and “put on a show” to raise money to restore the gleefully insane troupe to its former glory. This, in time-honored tradition, involves a lot of clever singing (incl. “The Rainbow Connection”) and dancing, the telling of self-aware jokes and several high-profile cameos. Though this fun flick may appeal more to nostalgic adults than to kids, it will put a smile on everyone’s face, and what’s better than that? Mah na mah na! (98 min)

© 2011.Brake, LLC

Secret Service guy wakes up in a transparent box in the trunk of a car, put there by terrorists who want to know where the President is. They first try psyching him out, then torture, but this is one tough agent. As claustrophobic guy-in-a-box movies go, this one, starring Stephen Dorff and his nostrils, is a bit like 2010’s Buried, starring Ryan Reynolds and his, except for the part about being remotely believable. Dorff is solid, but the film’s credibility erodes with each new contrivance, until not one but two preposterous third-act plot U-turns leave you with a definite jerked-around feeling.

© 2011 Son of House Limited. All Rights Reserved

An ex-con working as a strip-club bouncer in Grand Rapids (Grand Rapids?) finds himself between a rock (the mob) and a hard place (the cops) when the place is robbed and he is blamed, and he must clear his name, etc. Pro: Dave Bautista, another freight train of a pro wrestler turning to the movies, delivers his lines competently and has a certain presence. And the filmmakers are, refreshingly, going for a noir vibe rather than slam-bang action. Con: Those filmmakers don’t have the chops to do noir, the story is shopworn, and it gets boring fast. Just kind of peters out at the end.

© 2011 Columbia Pictures Industries,Inc.All Rights Reserved.

Cameron Diaz plays a lazy, gold-digging, drug-abusing skank who works as a teacher despite having not a trace of talent or interest in the education field. She’s trying to get her hands on an extra $10,000 for the boob job she thinks will attract a wonky-but-rich fellow educator (Justin Timberlake). Laughing yet? It’s puzzling how a “comedy” starring Diaz, who can do funny, manages to be so mean-spirited, obvious and flaccid. It’s like it’s going through the raunch-flick motions and hoping someone will laugh. Someone will, but not many. Don’t be expecting Young Adult. Or even Bad Santa.

© 2009 INFINITY FILMS HOLDINGS LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

When the leader of two rival teams of seriously unhinged covert assassins is murdered in their deep-underground bunker and a self-destruct mechanism activated, the teams, instead of working together on an exit strategy, elect to start killing each other using office supplies. While this unforgivably violent, mean-spirited misfire is aiming for Dr. Strangelove satire, all it achieves is the most unpleasant 82 minutes of blunt trauma you will ever witness in a movie theater and a colossal waste of the talents of Rob Corddry, Ellen Barkin, Maggie Q, Adam Scott, Ving Rhames, Jeffry Tambor and Zach Galifianakis.

© 2011 Vendôme International, LLC. All Rights Reserved

A recently divorced nice guy gets fired for lack of higher education, enrolls at a junior college, gets a scooter and a cute makeover from some non-threatening minority kids and falls for his cranky public speaking teacher. What’s not to like about a Tom Hanks/Julia Roberts rom-com for the middle-aged, produced, directed and co-written (with Nia Vardalos) by Hanks? Well, just about everything. Though it’s shooting for charming and congenial, this relentlessly upbeat, frustratingly flat-footed misstep is awkward, offers zero chemistry, and comes off as hopelessly bland and blindingly schmaltzy. Japanese title: . (98 min)

© 2011 Twentieth Century Fox

Alexander Payne has righteously earned a reputation for his unique observations and wry comments on the human condition. As with Election, About Schmidt and Sideways, this one’s about decisions. George Clooney, working effectively outside his suave comfort zone, plays a busy Hawaiian real estate lawyer who sees himself as a kind of standby parent to his two daughters, aged 17 and 10 (an excellent Shailene Woodley and a spot-on Amara Miller). He is facing the difficult decision of pulling the plug on his injured, brain-dead wife when he learns that she had been fooling around and was preparing to ask for a divorce. At the same time, he’s the one who has to make a decision for his extended and openly avaricious clan on selling a large tract of inherited, unspoiled land for a golf course and resort. Though it’s an intensely emotional story, Payne navigates confidently through the potential mawkishness by maintaining his trademark sense of humor, and the result is a blend of wit and poignancy that’s emotionally satisfying yet intellectually energizing. This is not easy to do. Call it a near-perfect movie on human imperfections. And see it.

© 2011 Omnilab Media Pty.Ltd

Ex-SAS Jason Statham is “hired” by an oil sheik who is holding hostage his mentor (Robert De Niro) to revenge-kill a trio of current-SAS troops who murdered his three sons, and, just to make things interesting, make the killings look like suicides or accidents. Jason’s opposite is Clive Owen, representing a shady group tasked with protecting SAS guys from reprisals. Bottom line, it’s the usual JS square-jawed action stuff with a couple of A-list supporting actors, not badly done if you like this sort of thing, and a bit more centered on character and plot. “Based on a true story.” Bollocks. (115 min)

© 2011 Faces Productions Inc., Faces Productions Manitoba Inc.,Forecast Pictures S.A.S., Radar Films S.A.S.U. All rights reserved

A scenery-chewing Milla Jovovich leads a cast of fellow B-actors in this tedious, profoundly ridiculous horror-suspense drama about a woman who witnesses a serial killing, gets a bop on the head and suffers from a neural aliment called prosopagnosia, rendering her unable to recognize faces. (Doctor’s note: This is a real but rare condition that exists primarily in the brains of writers of cheesy horror-suspense screenplays.) She must then navigate every cliché in the book (including falling in love with the investigating cop) to outwit the bad guy and reach the laughable but highly welcome final scene.

© 映画『happy - しあわせを探すあなたへ』

The filmmakers of this thought-provoking documentary traveled around the world to study what makes people feel the treasured yet elusive title emotion. You probably already suspect that it’s not money or possessions, but what is it? Why does a Calcutta rickshaw driver consider himself as happy as the average American? And why does Japan rate so low on the global happiness scale? As is the problem with most international docs here, the many languages are only subtitled in Japanese, so I recommend that you try to snag a DVD of this rewarding film subbed in a language you can understand.

© 2009 Last Night Productions, Inc.

A marital spat erupts between Keira Knightley and Sam Worthington after a party over what she perceives as his flirting with co-worker Eva Mendez. They say they’re sorry the next morning, but then it gets complicated. A weakened Sam goes off on an overnight business trip with Eva, while Keira, somewhat too conveniently, plot-wise, runs into old flame Guillaume Canet. Will Sam succumb to Eva’s insistent charms? Will Keira fall victim to a sexy French accent? The film artily ping-pongs between the two couples and generates some nice sexual tension but few insights, and we are not really made to care.

© Start Productions

Lovingly assembled rock-doc will, as is so often the case, appeal mostly to fans. Chronicles somewhat formulaically the band’s early years, its misbehaving and its excesses as success eluded it. (It’s worthy of note that some consider Mott the inspiration for Rob Reiner’s classic 1984 mock-doc This is Spinal Tap). At any rate, Tokyo audiences will be most interested in keyboardist/composer Morgan Fisher, who has lived here since 1985 and puts on a fascinating monthly series of one-man conceptual/improvisational concerts called “Morgan’s Organ” (with photography) at SuperDeluxe.

© 2010 Flemmy Productions, LLC

A few years ago, Joaquin Phoenix decided to stop making movies. I’m probably not alone in wishing he had done so before making this one, a supposed documentary by brother-in-law Casey Affleck chronicling his downward spiral into irrelevance (and hip-hop infamy). There’s been some controversy about the questionable nature of all this. Part of me believes it to be a hoax, another part thinks it’s true. But 100 percent of me doesn’t really care, because either way it’s an ugly sit. Also sad, painful, foul-mouthed, screaming, tedious, sniveling and pointless. I can’t wait to see what he does next.

© 2012 WARNER BROS. ENTERTAINMENT INC

Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton vie for control of a church choir as a Big Competition looms. Yawn. I could have forgiven the rampant artifice, the staggering predictability, the cornball acting, the awful script, the useless subplots, the shameless exaggeration, and the many, many other contrivances if the movie had delivered even a little of its implicitly promised gospel music. But this marriage in hell of Sister Act and Glee is more about pop songs in choir robes, and for a movie about church choirs, there’s precious little spirituality. But Lord, that don’t stop them from preaching.

© 2011 EBERSOLETTI FILMCO, INC. IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE EBERSOLE HUGHES COMPANY TIGHT SHIP PRODUCTIONS

For the most part, this is one of those interesting-only-to-fans rock-docs about a musician, in this case likable lesbian drummer Patty Schemel of Hole, who falls into the old drugs-and-alcohol trap. The already weak narrative about this relative unknown is not well served in the first two thirds by several inevitably overshadowing clips of Kurt Cobain and asshole-rock queen Courtney Love, but we at least find out who she is, which makes the third act, chronicling her trip to street hell and tricking for drugs before snapping out of it (not a spoiler; it’s in the film’s subtitle), relevant and even moving.