Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on February 2012

I felt I was supposed to understand what was going on in this soulless third sequel and recognize the characters. No friggin’ idea. And I’ve seen them all. Mostly awake. Perfectly serviceable humans repeatedly turn into battling vampires and werewolves. Brains explode, there’s a mad scientist, stuff gets blowed up real good, and both Kate Beckinsale and her GC double still look good in that naughty little leather number. Okay, that I remember. (Aha. Now I understand.) Save yourself the ticket price by putting your head in a metal wastebasket and having your friends bang on it for an hour and a half.